When it comes to family, I got lucky. I have parents who always encourage me to chase my dreams but are still there when things get tough. Whenever I was inpatient during my treatment, they made sure I always had company so I wasn’t fighting alone. I have siblings who can always make me laugh, but I know I can count on them to be serious if they need to be. Most of my friends growing up had good relationships with their parents – it wasn’t really until I got to college and met people who dreaded going home that I realized how lucky I was to enjoy spending time with my family. I knew they were great before that, but I didn’t know how great. In addition to my immediate family, I have a large extended family. None of them live in Maryland, which means any visit is a vacation, either to Pennsylvania or Maine. It would be great to see everyone more often, but I can’t complain about going to Acadia! There’s always someone to talk to and some family gatherings, like Thanksgiving or the 4th of July, can turn into a week-long party. I cannot imagine having a small family. While some people hope their future families are nothing like the one they grew up in, I hope my future family has as much fun as I have. My family introduced me to some great experiences and adventures: camping, country music concerts, skiing, hiking, traveling, whitewater rafting, and more. Factory tours and dirt roads were regular parts of our vacations which probably isn’t the case for most people but we got a lot of great views, interesting facts, and delicious samples (cheese, ice cream, chocolate, maple syrup, etc). I want my kids to have family game nights, ski trips, and vacations. I want them to know that cousins make great friends, and that family will always be there even when friends come and go. I hope they will have a desire to learn. I want them to be adventurous and willing to try something new or drive the road less taken, just like my family has always been. What experiences from your childhood will shape (or have shaped) your future family?
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People criticize their bodies for being too this or too that, but what we don’t always think about is how we each only have one body. That one body keeps us alive, and we need to nourish it to give it the energy to do so. That seems easy – we just need to eat, and everyone likes to eat, right? Wrong.
Eating is supposed to be enjoyable, but that’s not always the case. During my treatment, it was a chore for me. Everything, even chocolate covered strawberries, tasted like cardboard thanks to the chemo, and after radiation my mouth was so dry that I needed a sip of water for every half of a cracker. I felt really nauseous at times, and food was so unappealing that people would have to remind me to eat, like you’d remind someone to take out the trash or brush their teeth. However, I knew all of these side effects would eventually go away. A few of my friends were struggling with eating disorders during my treatment. I have to admit, I had a very typical reaction when I found out: but why? I was confused, because they were some of my most beautiful (inside and out) friends with what appeared to me very healthy bodies. I didn’t understand why anyone with normal taste buds would choose not to eat, but then I realized I was wrong and it was NOT a choice. I think a lot of people get that wrong so even though I’m no expert, I’m taking a break from the cancer stuff for this post because I think eating disorders (and mental health in general) are things more people should know about. I have not personally struggled with an eating disorder, but I’ve seen the impacts they can have of my friends and their families. One of my friends currently in recovery has been sharing her journey and I realized how much I didn’t know, and how much most people don’t know so I thought I’d share some facts (from nationaleatingdisorders.org and anad.org). -Eating disorders have the highest mortality rate of all mental illnesses -Millions of men and women suffer from eating disorders -Some people are genetically predisposed -1 in 5 people with anorexia die prematurely because of the disorder, which can lead to heart failure Eating disorders are not a lifestyle choice – they are serious illnesses with mental and physical side effects. Recovery isn’t as easy as “just eating” when you fear food. This may not be a good comparison, but think of something you’re terrified of – spiders, heights, snakes, whatever it may be. You don’t just get over those fears because someone tells you to, and someone who is terrified of food isn’t going to just get over it either. I’m so proud of my friends for choosing to face their fears and I’m thankful that they’re healing. I hope they can truly enjoy food again the way I can now that my taste buds have mostly returned to normal. If you know someone who is struggling with an eating disorder, make sure they get help because early intervention makes a huge difference. If you’re unhappy with something about your body today, take a minute to give it some credit for all that it does for you. When I was in 5th grade, I was supposed to go on a field trip to Philadelphia but I couldn’t because of my treatment. I made up for it with a five year field trip to attend Drexel University. When I made my college decision, I had no idea I’d spend the next five years of my life explaining how Drexel is different. Between the quarter system and the co-op program, there’s a lot that most people don’t understand. The weird schedule is definitely not for everyone, but I love it!
Most people think we have trimesters, but really they’re quarters. Each term is 10 weeks, plus a week for finals and then we have break. Our fall quarter starts in mid September, which is much later than other colleges, but we still finish in early December. I love the quarter system, especially for classes like Philosophy. Our professor explained that when he teaches the class at semester schools, he adds a book to the required readings, but it isn’t that important so he skips it for quarters. I find that the fast pace makes the professors focus on what is really important and gets boring classes over with quickly but some people find the fast pace overwhelming. Our credits are calculated the same as any other school – 3 credits means three hours in class – but since we have 12 quarters throughout our time there instead of 8 semesters, we need more credits to graduate. Having quarter credits instead of semester credits can make transferring to or from other schools a bit of a hassle, but luckily I had no desire to do that. Overall, we spend the same amount of time in classes as any other school, the schedule is a bit different and we get to take more classes. The other thing I love is that our breaks are actually breaks. Instead of having spring break after midterms, ours is after our winter term finals. While some people spend break worrying about homework and group projects, we can relax. Sure, we don’t get a break in the middle of the term, but our terms are short. Drexel’s co-op program is also a source of confusion for a lot of people. I’m in a 5 year program which includes three 6-month co-ops. After freshman year, we technically go to school year-round but I don’t really see it that way. Starting my sophomore year, I had class from September until March, and then after spring break I started my co-op, which lasted until September. If I’d had a normal summer break at any other school, I would be looking for a summer internship anyway. This way, Drexel helps me find one (though I’ve actually found both of my co-ops outside the system) and I get to spend six months somewhere instead of just 3. Co-op has helped me figure out what kinds of things I like in a job and what I really want to do. The goal is to graduate with 18 months of work experience, so I don’t mind staying for 5 years. I hear there’s not a big rush to join the real world anyway. I’m not saying everything about Drexel is perfect, because it’s definitely not. A few more trees or grassy areas wouldn’t hurt, and I don’t agree with some administrative decisions (the changes in the housing policy and some of the classes I’m required to take, for example). We don’t have as much school spirit as some schools and housing and tuition are incredibly expensive. I had some trouble getting everything straightened out during my treatment, but eventually everything worked out and I’m thankful I was enrolled at a school with such a good online program so that it was easy to continue my education from the hospital. Being in the city, especially one as great as Philadelphia, for college is great – it’s easy to get almost anywhere and there’s always something to do – though I don’t think I could live there for the rest of my life. Drexel friends, if you thought this post was going to be about you, sorry to disappoint, but your turn is coming!! I just wanted to take the chance to explain our crazy schedule. Today’s topic was chosen by Jenn, the best friend and concert buddy a girl could ask for! I’ve loved country music since elementary school. At that point, I hardly knew any of my friends’ favorite songs and they didn’t know mine. Contrary to popular belief, not all country songs are depressing or about cheating, trucks, and drinking. I love that there are songs for any situation and any time of year, so I thought I’d share some of my favorite songs for certain situations. That seemed more interesting than telling you about my favorite artists or concerts (though I highly recommend seeing Shania Twain on her final tour this summer because she was a lot of fun in Vegas this year!). Let me know what you think, or if there are any situations I should’ve included (other than love songs because I intentionally left those out since I couldn’t pick a favorite)! You feel stuck in a rut or know you can do better: Something More by Sugarland Someone’s words are hurting you or important people in your life are fighting: Little Toy Guns by Carrie Underwood Someone is going through a tough time such as cancer treatment: I’m Gonna Love You Through It by Martina McBride You had an awful day: Up! By Shania Twain or Some Days You Gotta Dance by Dixie Chicks You need a reminder not to wish time away: Don’t Blink by Kenny Chesney Someone dumped you, but you know they’ll regret it: Best Days of Your Life by Kellie Pickler Your significant other gives you an ultimatum: I’m Gonna Miss Her by Brad Paisley You realize your struggle was worth it in the end: Bless the Broken Road by Rascal Flatts You just need a drink: It’s 5 o’clock Somewhere by Jimmy Buffet and Alan Jackson You’re losing hope: Stand by Rascal Flatts or One Day You Will by Lady Antebellum You’re tired of bro country: Girl in a Country Song by Maddie and Tae You realize your love for someone has grown more than you thought possible: Then by Brad Paisley You don’t know if you should take a chance: I Hope You Dance by LeAnn Womack You make the most of your day: It’s a Great Day to be Alive by Travis Tritt You need a reminder to live life to the fullest: Live Like You Were Dying by Time McGraw You’re going through a hard time: Life Ain’t Always Beautiful by Gary Allan You’re tired of people judging you: Follow Your Arrow by Kasey Musgraves You know child abuse is a terrible thing: Alyssa Lies by Jason Michael Carroll and Concrete Angel by Martina McBride (both of these music videos are very powerful – grab a tissue) You’re feeling patriotic: Only in America by Brooks and Dunn or Home by Dierks Bentley You have a great step-dad: He Didn’t Have to Be by Brad Paisley You have a hard goodbye: See You Again by Carrie Underwood I hope you know somebody loves you (My Wish by Rascal Flatts). Thanks, as always, for reading! It’s day 2 of the A-Z challenge! This post goes out to Ella-Mae, my first clinic nurse when I was diagnosed in 2004. After a few months, she transferred to adult oncology, but we have kept in touch for the last 10 years. She suggested B is for beautiful and elaborated, “how you are inside and out, through chemo, scares, tribulations, and being away from the life you knew.” Some people would call that brave. Some people call it beautiful. I wasn’t trying to be either. I stayed positive because it was the only thing I could control when everything else seemed to be falling apart. I kept fighting because I didn’t see any other option. I’m friends with many other cancer survivors and they’re some of the most beautiful people I know. After all they’ve been through, they’re always giving back: volunteering at camp, studying to become nurses or doctors, or raising money for organizations that supported them during treatment. Their scars show their strength and resilience after all they’ve overcome. Everyone is fighting their own battles, which you may or may not be able to see. I’m incredibly thankful that I learned this at a young age because it’s made me much more appreciative and compassionate and allowed me to surround myself with beautiful friends. Beautiful people, to me, are much more than a pretty face. They are good for the mind, not just the eyes. They are the ones who have learned from their experiences and mistakes, big or small, and have become better rather than bitter as a result. They know it’s better to be unique than a copy of someone else. Surround yourself with these people, the ones who build you up instead of knocking you down, the ones you’d still be drawn to even if you were blind – they’ll be friends for life. Hey everyone! It’s day 1 of the A-Z challenge! Not all of my challenge posts will be cancer-related like the rest of my blog, but they will all be about things that have had a big impact on my life or things I think are important to talk about. Thanks ahead of time for reading!
My head is an odd mix of positivity and anxiety. It’s tough to go through cancer treatment and not worry, and that worry doesn’t magically disappear after treatment is over. Everyone is always so happy to hear that I’m in remission and out of treatment, and I’m beyond thrilled about that too, but what most people don’t understand is that being cancer-free doesn’t mean I can just forget about it and move on. Every time I have a cold, I see a bruise, I feel tired or nauseous, or I get dizzy, I get anxious. I think almost everyone in my situation does, for a long time after treatment. I had finally stopped worrying when I went to college, because I was 8 years in remission and more than 5 years off treatment. Waiting for test results is incredibly stressful. I try not to get my hopes up too high, because then bad results would be even more devastating. Last year, when I assumed my 6 month results would be good because everything had been going so well, I found out I relapsed, so now it’s hard to be confident even if I feel great. My definition of planning ahead has changed over the past few years – looking two months ahead seems far now because it was almost pointless to plan that far ahead during treatment. Being back at school forced me to look at the big picture again, which is definitely good, but the anxiety is still there. Cancer is the cause for most of my anxiety, but other things make me anxious too: speeches, group projects, phone calls, large groups of strangers, confrontation, traffic and more. I’ve surprised even myself with the crazy things my brain has tried to tell me could happen. I know many of my friends have struggled with everyday anxieties of their own, and from my experience, it’s not something to be ashamed of. Instead, it’s something you need to understand about yourself so you can try to keep it from consuming your life. You’re not alone, no matter how much it can feel like you are. I’m positive when it comes to things I can control, like my attitude or my homework. I can make the best of things and find a positive in almost any situation. I know things will work out how they’re meant to, but that doesn’t keep my mind from worrying. When I can feel my thoughts getting out of control, I focus on the present and the things I have control over. I saw a quote recently that I really enjoyed: Worrying doesn’t take away tomorrow’s troubles – it takes away today’s peace. |
AuthorI’m Karen. I was originally diagnosed with Acute Lymphoblastic Leukemia (ALL) in August 2004 when I was 10 years old. When I was working on my college and scholarship application essays two years ago, I wrote about my journey. Although it was a rough few years, it became such an influential part of my life that I can’t, and wouldn’t want to, imagine my life without having had cancer. I called it the worst best thing that ever happened to me. Archives
April 2022
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