It’s been two years since Karen passed away. The anniversary was this weekend. I spent a lot of the day using the string trimmer – 4 tanks of gas, and there’s still more to do. We didn’t do anything special to commemorate the date. We didn’t even really acknowledge it all. I got a lot of messages from family and friends who were remembering, and I appreciated every one of them! I spent a lot of time thinking about her, and how much I missed her. I even woke up at 2 am, which is very close to the time she passed. I talked to Matt about it later, and he said that it’s a date that he doesn’t want to celebrate, which I completely understand. We are not a celebrating kind of family, really. Anniversaries and birthdays are kind of understated, and the other holidays (Valentine’s Day, Mother’s Day, etc) are noticed but not a major focus. Matt’s point about not “celebrating” losing Karen made perfect sense to me. We did celebrate Karen’s birthday, which was while we were on vacation. I had a dream with her in it, and then started the day with a visit from her in my Words with Friends game, which was a wonderful treat! We spent the day doing things Karen enjoyed – driving on a dirt road, eating lunch by a waterfall, free slurpees at 7-11, and tacos for dinner. Two of Karen’s friends that I know well have gotten married this summer. Both of them included her in their wedding days, which makes me so happy. One had mini taco appetizers, and a photo collage at the reception. I heard later that the bride was disappointed not to get any of those tacos to eat. The other one gave us a beautiful vase with a rose, and an angel ornament. I cried and cried! They both told me how much they missed Karen during the time before the wedding, when they were doing all those things she would have loved helping with. I know she wouldn’t have missed these events! As Karen’s friends get married, I love to see how happy they are, but it reminds me (again!) of all that she missed. It also reminds me of the day at Jiffy Lube when a random person in the waiting room told us how nice a recently rebuilt firehouse was as a wedding venue. Karen and I had a standing joke (at least I thought it was funny… she might not have agreed) about how her wedding was going to be potluck at the firehall, so this interaction with a total stranger in the waiting room that day made us laugh! Part of our vacation this summer was to join Karen’s friend Jenn on part of the summer road trip they had planned. We had arranged to meet when she got to Yellowstone, but didn’t have a definite plan. I guess we thought we’d figure it out when we all arrived. That would work, if there was cell service there. I think Karen was bailing us out though, because we went to the campground where Jenn was staying, and randomly met up with her as she was driving back out after setting up her tent. If that hadn’t worked out so well, we would have had a terrible time getting together, but as it was, we spent 2 ½ days hiking and seeing the sights, including a bear much closer than I was comfortable with! I hadn’t realized exactly how much planning Karen had put into the trip. I knew she had chosen campgrounds and things to see, but the list was more extensive than I thought. She had suggested specific hiking trails, waterfalls, factory tours…. Jenn said that some days, she just checked the list in the morning, and that’s what she did that day. Some of the trails we did with Jenn were on the list, and some of the ones we saw from across the river and were happy we skipped were also on the list. Jenn didn’t go on the balloon ride, which apparently Karen was really looking forward to doing. We didn’t know about that, and it turned out we had gone on a balloon ride earlier in our trip! We went back to Camp Sunrise with castle cake materials in July. The theme this year was Reality TV, and they wanted to tie in the cake activity to a show called Nailed It, which is on Netflix. The premise is that the participants are supposed to copy a cake that is provided. We didn’t have the time (or the desire, really) to create cakes for the kids to copy, so we modified it. The cabins were randomly assigned a category - they had to create something from a picture collage of either animals or transportation items, or they had to create a cake version of a live model. It is always amazing to see how creative the kids get with the materials they have! They all did an incredible job, but the live model cakes impressed me the most. I expected that to be the least favorite category, but most of the kids really put a lot of thought into how to make their cake look like the person. Matt has graduated from college, and moved on to the next phase, out in the real world. He’s living in an apartment, and starts his job next week. The other day when we were driving there, he asked me why I was crying about something. I don’t even know what it was, but it was something that shouldn’t have caused any tears. He very perceptively realized that it was his transition, not whatever we were talking about. This was another one of those things that Karen never got to do, which is a long list. Hopefully I won’t cry when he does every new thing – I told myself it was only because of the timing, with it being this weekend. We’ll see how accurate that is! Sometimes friends send me things that remind them of Karen. I love getting them, and sharing them here.
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What sets your blog apart is your genuine authenticity. Your passion for your subject matter shines through in every word, making it easy for readers like myself to connect with your message on a personal level. It's refreshing to encounter a writer who isn't afraid to be vulnerable and share their own experiences.
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AuthorI’m Karen. I was originally diagnosed with Acute Lymphoblastic Leukemia (ALL) in August 2004 when I was 10 years old. When I was working on my college and scholarship application essays two years ago, I wrote about my journey. Although it was a rough few years, it became such an influential part of my life that I can’t, and wouldn’t want to, imagine my life without having had cancer. I called it the worst best thing that ever happened to me. Archives
April 2022
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